"Aida, boleh aku tanya kau satu soalan. Tapi ni personal sikit lah"
Yes, I was asked by a friend this question. I was a bit startled at first. Ye lah, dalam otak ni dah macam macam fikir. Soalan apa ni? Personal? Who does not feel weird when such question was shot all of sudden. Though, he first seemed to be having conflicts in mind, whether or not it was okay to ask that kind of question.
"Macam mana kau get over lepas break up? Berapa lama kau ambik masa?"
Haa sudahh. Ni memang personal habis dah. No lah. I don't really think this is really personal as in 'private' matter; that should have been sealed forever and forever. Gaya macam ada signboard tulis 'Kau jangan sibuk kisah hidup aku!" Okay, this is funny and MEAN!
I am sure that breaking up episode is not easy to handle. But, really, it depends on the person himself/herself. Everyone deals differently. And everyone has their own way of facing this difficult stage.
To be honest, I don't really care what happens after breaking up. I always believe that things are not going to be the same anymore. How can we be so sure that everything is gonna be alright once we get back together? I don't. Perasaan sayang tu mungkin dah tak akan sama. The hurt, and the uncertainty of the future will overwhelm yourself. And the feeling of whatever you call 'love' does no longer exist. Pathetic kan?
From what I have been saying, I'm certain that some of you may assume me as someone who is selfish. Selfish, for not giving the second chance. For me, second chance is only worth giving to the person who really thinks that he is worth getting, and what is even more important is for me to think that, he is worth to be with. #cubitpipi.
Ya saya, saya memang kejam. Cruel is my middle name. Eh?
I have always wanted to have someone who can respect my family as his, and can easily get along with my family. Sejujurnya, family adalah antara criteria yang paling utama dalam pemilihan bakal suami. (Wanita matang mula berbicara) Indeed it is. As a very observant person, I always have thoughts in minds; judging this and that and even giving scores and grade. Okey ni tipu. As we know, after a while, the result came in. And there it was, jeng jeng jeng. Not worth, not worth, not worth! Saya minta maaf, saya orang susah. Awak pulak anak jutawan. Kita tak sesuai. Drama je lebih. =D I have my own stories. And for what I believe, despite what I have gone through, Allah is actually trying to protect me. Protect me from being so far from him. And He answered my prayer without I even realised it,
"Ya Allah, jauhkanlah aku dari perbuatan zina dan maksiat. Peliharalah iman dan akhlak ku Ya Allah. Tunjukkan aku jalan yang diredhaiMu. Dan aku mohon, sekiranya dia bukanlah yang terbaik untukku, agamaku dan pengakhiranku, maka Engkau redhakan lah aku dengan ketentuanMu. Dan satukan hatiku dengan hati hambaMu yang Engkau redhai".
Jadi, apa yang kita nak persoalkan. There is nothing wrong if I never have the get-over period. I have erased all the memories I had before. And I don't feel a thing. What I regret most is for believing that love means everything. Love isn't everything, but your 'niat' is everything. If your intention is for Allah, and for working towards a blessed relationship. I believe, Allah will always show you the right way, and make it easy for you.
I have had enough. And I have been deceived by love for so many times. That I no more think that love is the utmost reason for a successful relationship. It could be, yes, it could. But only when you can understand, tolerate, and respect each other. Only then, you know how precious love is.
Mungkin apa yang saya lalui selama ni bukanlah sayang yang sebenarnya. Bukanlah cinta yang sebenarnya. Kalau itu benar-benar cinta, kenapa saya tak terkilan walau sedikit? Kenapa saya tidak tergerak untuk memberi peluang kedua? Mungkin juga itu bukanlah jodoh saya yang sebenarnya. Apa yang saya tahu, saya masih ada perjalanan yang cukup panjang untuk ditempuhi. Jalan baru yang saya pilih. Yang saya percaya boleh bimbing dan jaga saya ke jalan yang diredhai. Mohon maaf atas apa yang telah berlaku. Moga Allah masih berikan ruang untuk kita terus memohon keampunan dariNya.
And to my dear future husband, you know you're the best I have ever had. May what I have gone through before teach me how to be a better friend to you, and a wonderful future wife you could ever be with; the one who respects you, and can be with you during good and bad times. And the one who will always love, honour, and cherish you. InshaAllah. May Allah bless and ease our ways.
11.25 PM,
24/1/2012
Canterbury, Kent
madu itu manis.
#random
Good.... ;)
Moga jumpa yang terbaik.
....to my dear future husband, you know you're the best I have ever had. May what I have gone through before teach me how to be a better friend to you, and a wonderful future wife you could ever be with; the one who respects you, and can be with you during good and bad times. And the one who will always love, honour, and cherish you....