I always thought that having a blog eventually gives me more freedom to write whatever I wanted to. But NO. I started to think why should I tell the world and let others crawl into this site and read all about my personal life, and my random thoughts. After they have finished reading my words, they will then be making their own assumptions about what kind of person I truly am, without knowing exactly the REAL me. I am not a good, kind-hearted person. Not always am. I have my own temper. I easily get angry on thing that goes wrong. And yet, I'm selfish in my own way, but I know the fact that I can cry whenever I'm missing someone. I do appreciate things I have and I'm always thankful for the people around me. 

It has been weeks for me not updating this blog. And truthfully, I have no desire to make this blog daily updated and even to make it becomes too personal. I keep things to myself, because the only choice I got is to trust no one but myself. I tell myself that everything's going to be alright, that Allah is with me and I believe the heart that belongs to me. Have you ever thought of deleting your own blog? Erasing all the entries you once wrote? And make it only visible for you to read but not others? I have. And I too wonder if I should have an anonymous blog, and write the feelings that I feel and share with the world about what I have experienced in life, but in a totally different way which is "PEOPLE-DO-NOT-WHO-YOU-ARE BLOG".

Blog is nothing but a miserable failure. It's not an express way of saying to the whole universe that "This is my online diary! So, shut your mouth up, and don't ever bother!". Well, of course people bother. That's why it's called "blog". "Sharing your world with others" "You crazy? You're living in the same world, why on earth you want to share with others?". "You idiot! This is just a metaphor. World as in LIFE. You got it?" "Yeahh, whatever!". Or it might be that blog is not about sharing your life, but blog is about collecting money. Because of that, bloggers do fake blogwalking, and leave their tracks on your chatbox "Follow you! Don't forget to follow me back!" Now, blog has become a place where you force others to FOLLOW you. Life is complicated. So do the blogging world!

And I was thinking of putting what I feel inside into words. But I just can't. When I feel so uneasy with my own friend, when I know she's doing the wrong things yet I'm being hopeless. Not being able to say a word, and advise her. There are also moments when I feel being cheated by my own friends, when she just uses me for her own good. I wanted to tell the world, write an entry on my own blog. But the second thought I have, it says "No, You can't!" No matter how hard it is, I realise when I say bad things about them, then I am a double-bad person. That's just not right. 

So, just remember, having a blog does not always mean that you can have freedom. At least think of others, what would they feel if they know you write horrible things about them. That would upset them, wouldn't that? We learn by time, and we too mature by experience. So why not we share some useful experience about our lives, so it can inspire others. We may not always become a perfect person, but we can be better. And we always do! So cheer up! And say thank you to the people that make you smile everyday. 

Thank you for everything.