It is quater past eleven. Light is already off. I look exactly like orang tengah berpantang, with sweater, kain batik, socks, fleece, and a thick and comfy duvet, staring at the laptop screen, configuring why I am writing at this very moment. I have got Mandarin test tomorrow, with more than 100 characters to remember. And I have got issues in writing them all. It is not that hard to recognise and guess what each character means. Most characters are guessable, and the only way to help you to recognise is to visualise and place a clue in every characters given. The way you said, macam easy gila Aida. Boo to myself! Yes, boo me!

I was feeling very demotivated in the past two days. When I knew my assignment result was not like what I expected. I felt even more down when I knew my piece of work was like a mess. I should have tried to improve my work when I knew there was something wrong with the first point. I kept reading my writing for more than ten times before sending it. Trying hard to convince myself that "your assignment looks fine" (Even it is not). I did not simply edit my work. Because I knew, if I edited it, I had to edit the whole paragraph. And yes Aida, your first assignment mark was in line with your so-called-lazy attitude. Syabas.

At least, I learn something from it. I learn that Allah is testing me. That He wanted me to remember how dependent I am to Him. I am ashamed of myself, knowing how ungrateful I was. I prayed that I got the job, and He fulfilled it. And when He did not fulfil one of my prayers I was so upset. I shouldn't have been. How could I keep asking from Him, when I start to forget my duty to Him. How could I ask that He listens to my prayers, when I do not even care to spend a moment remembering Him. May You forgive this thankless me. 

Time flies so quickly, and I had been very busy with classes and works in the past week. Classes from 9 to 12, and then off to work at Royal Mail from 2 till 10 . The only hours left was just enough for my sleeping time. It goes on day by day. I am hopeless, don't know where else I could find extra hours except the given 24 hours a day that does not seem enough. I never knew how it is like, being a part-time worker at the same time being a student. I never knew that earning money is hell tiring. Now I know how difficult it is for Abah to make money, days and nights just to ensure that his wife and his children have a satisfied life. 

May Allah be with us through all good and difficult times. And let us pray that all our ibadah are accepted and our life be blessed. 

Salam 10 Muharram from this cold and freezing Canterbury. And selamat berpuasa!

#selamatmajujaya